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Janet (Petaluma, CA)’s review of If Men Could Talk: Translating the Secret Language of Men

Which is how we end up here—wondering whether a failure in Google Translate is actually a secret Chinese code. Then again, maybe it is. We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters theatlantic. But it turns out that men really do need a tiny buffer zone — call it a cushion — between work and family, says Deborah Tannen, Ph. That cushion helps them change from "political" male with territory to defend to "loving" male with territory to share.

What's a woman to do? Tell him you understand his need to retreat but you just can't indulge it every night. Then discuss how — and how often — the two of you can build in a cushion without leaving the whole domestic load on you. For example, you might agree that one night he's with you and the kids, the next he gets to pull his turtle act for 10 or 15 minutes.

The upside when he puts the mail or newspaper first? He'll feel more energized and ready to give you the break you'll need once he comes out of his shell. Next time your husband demands your undivided attention to talk about the cool new office coffee machine, consider this: "For men, it's emotionally meaningful just to have a conversation," says New York clinical psychologist Alon Gratch, Ph.

10 Ways to Tell Him You Love Him Without Words | Redbook feature

Politics, sports, the pros and cons of a push mower versus one that's gas powered — these talks can make him feel as connected to you as you feel to him when he opens up about his emotions. And when chattering children and uncut vegetables interrupt the give-and-take, Gratch says, "it can make him feel he's not being heard. Of course, putting down the paring knife and pulling up a chair can be a hard gift to give — multitasking, after all, is what gets dinner on the table.

But a little ingenuity can go a long way. Naomi Williams, a website producer in San Francisco, catches conversations with her husband on the fly.

The Secret Language of Gay People?

He'll say, 'Oh, I was hoping it would be you. You are your husband's best friend, as he's likely to profess after a couple of beers. But sometimes he wants to go out with someone who won't roll her eyes when he turns into a human whoopee cushion. That "someone" is The Guys.

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It gives them great intimacy without tremendous demands. That said, we're not suggesting that he get a free pass every night while you deal with baths and bedtime.


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If you have two children under 3, for example, one evening out a month is generous. This is about meeting his needs within the realistic demands of family and work — not about your being a martyr. While you're at it, remember to pencil in girls' nights out.

If Men Could Talk: Translating the Secret Language of Men

Bonus: If you each use some of this free time to pursue your separate passions — whether it's dragging a friend to see the jam band Phish or taking Brazilian dance lessons with a pal — there's likely to be an extra spark when you get back together. Maintaining separate identities keeps alive those parts of you that you two fell in love with in the first place. It's easy to make your husband disproportionately happy by replacing the box of cookies before it's empty and equally pouty if you don't pour him a cup of coffee with your own in the morning. These reactions aren't out of whack, says Pat Love, Ed.

Little acts of thoughtfulness, or lack thereof, relay something bigger to our partners. Stock photo. Brand new: lowest price The lowest-priced brand-new, unused, unopened, undamaged item in its original packaging where packaging is applicable. See details. Buy It Now.

10 Ways to Tell Him You Love Him Without Words | Redbook feature

Add to cart. Be the first to write a review. About this product Description It's t that men don't talk, says Dr. Gratch, it's just that they speak a different language.